I'm super late to it, but last week, I finally decided to check out what all the fuss was about re: Ted Lasso. I signed up for the free 7 day trial so I could binge watch all of season 1 and 2. I know it's only 5 bucks a month, but in principle, I cannot add another streaming service. I'm already overwhelmed by the mountains of content and choice. Anyway, Ted Lasso did not disappoint. It lived up to the hype and I'm a huge fan. I feel like the universe must be sending me a message to "BELIEVE" because I also just started back from the beginning of the Some Work, All Play podcast with David and Megan Roche and the theme of self-belief was talked about in Episode 2.
Self-belief is hard. Growing up Chinese-American, being humble and modest is kind of grilled in from a young age. You do not talk about your accomplishments. Confidence was not encouraged and comparison to others started young and continued pretty much until I left for college. As a result, I started adult life pretty insecure. In high school, I excelled in music, but was just so-so in academics and did not participate in sports. I always felt a bit socially awkward and while I've been able to make improvements, I still think I'll always be mostly introverted, enjoying the company of people one on one vs. parties and large groups. I'll never be the life of the party. However, I think I'm finally at a stage in my life where I am starting to believe in myself. Running has played a major role in building my confidence and self-belief. Seeing improvement in running takes so much patience. I've learned that it can be frustrating and exhilarating at the same time. A major difference between how I think about running now vs. years ago is that I know that some days, it's just hard. There doesn't need to be an explanation. I can just move on from a bad run because I now know that there are also days where running is an absolute joy.
This weekend I had two back to back long runs which were 1) a disaster and 2) magic. Yesterday, it was warm and humid, so I knew my long run would be a challenge. However, I never thought I'd have to pull the plug, but I did at mile 15.5 because my heart rate had been high throughout most of the run and my right knee basically stopped working. It hurt with every step and I started to limp. I didn't want to risk injuring it further, so ended up walking about 1.4 miles back to the car. From the car, I was supposed to run another 4-5 miles, but decided to call it quits instead. Even though I didn't finish the run as planned, I ate all of my after-run treats (a bag of the saltiest potato chips known to man/woman and some gummy berries). This morning, I go out for another long run. I don't know how it's going to go. I do a warm up fast walk and then a light jog to test out the knee. Somehow, a great night's sleep and probably a lot of massaging and icing the night before fixed the knee. It was also 20 degrees cooler this morning vs. yesterday morning so my body just felt great. The knee not hurting at all felt like a miracle. After about 35 mins of warming up, I decided to put on my long run play list and as soon as that music started, I felt like I was floating. The running became so smooth, even on the uphills. I charged the downhills and ran fast even in the middle miles. My last mile was my best mile and I ended up with a half marathon PR. Crazy. When I woke up this morning, I didn't know if I would even make it mile, but I showed up and it was a magical run that I will never forget. When I had to cut the run short on Saturday, I never beat myself up about it. I just matter of factly decided to stop. Listened to the body and I'm sure that's why I was able to run so well today.
Unexpected half marathon PR on a pretty hilly course
Sunrise and rollers. The perfect combination.
I know that I still have a lot of miles left in this body. At least, that's what I BELIEVE now. Who knows what will happen tomorrow or in a few years, but for now, I'm enjoying the ride. The adventures of exploring new places with just my own two feet are so rewarding. Just recently, I've been able to explore some new routes out on the Lawrence-Hopewell trail. It's been refreshing to run surrounded by new scenery.
Exploring new trails on the Lawrence-Hopewell Trail
Sunrise on Wargo Rd
Cool clouds on Van Dyke Rd
Another fun bridge on the Lawrence-Hopewell Trail
Getting back to Ted Lasso, another key theme is forgiveness. It is still a work in progress, but I am also finally starting to forgive the people in my life who did not always believe in me, or who (probably?) unintentionally gave me low self-esteem. I also need to forgive myself for all of those wasted years of not believing in myself. Reliving and being aware of the things/people who shaped me growing up gives me more confidence as a parent as well. If nothing else, I want my kids to know that I believe in them. I am their biggest fan and will always drop what I'm doing to support them. I love that David and Megan talk about spreading self-belief. You never know how much your own kind words can affect someone else. Whether it be family, friends or complete strangers, just telling someone you believe in them can brighten their day. For some, it can be life-changing just hearing that someone believes in them. So, if you're reading this, you are awesome just as you are and I believe in you. Get out there and kick butt!
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